Fully Known, Deeply Loved <3

Hello friends!

​ I just wanted to start this off by thanking my beautiful sister in Christ for asking me to share some of my testimony on her blog! As most of you reading this know, Andee radiates Christ in all she does and since the moment God gifted me with her friendship, she has been such an encouragement to me in more ways than I can ever begin to articulate through words. She is on fire for the Lord and portrays His love through her servant’s heart, her boldness, her contagious joy, and her deep compassion for absolutely everyone she encounters. It’s an honor to know her and an honor to be able to share some of my story and God’s grace in my life with those of you that get a chance to read this. I pray that these words somehow impact you and above all, remind you of God’s deep love and constant pursuit of your heart. <3

​ When trying to think about the part or parts of my testimony that I wanted to share for this, I went back and forth because truly, there are daily stories of His redeeming grace and He is constantly teaching me more and more. I believe that our identity is something that we all have at some point struggled or are struggling with and as we grow in our relationship with Jesus that identity becomes more and more rooted in Him - therefore reflecting Him in how we act, speak, and live out our walk. We all find our identity in something and who and what that may be shapes and molds our lives and how we see ourselves and others.

​ I chose to find my identity in the things of this world for a majority of my life. I knew Jesus but I didn’t know what true relationship with Him was. I gave into what the world told me to find satisfaction in and kept Jesus on the side at my own convenience, going to Him when I wanted to. I found my identity in people, relationships, self-image, accomplishments, and much more. No matter how many “good” things I had going on in my life, this all ended up fueling my anxiety and leaving me lonely and unfulfilled - it was a constant cycle. Cycles and seasons are something we all go through – some healthy and some that we stay in much longer than God ever intended for us to.  My junior year of college I was drowning in the cycle of living for myself and truly looking to the world for my fulfillment, worth, and happiness - keeping me in the same trench I could just not seem to crawl out of.

The enemy loves to isolate us. He will do whatever it takes to get us alone, send our thoughts spiraling, and trap us in places we never thought we would be. He also loves to make us think that there is no escape from our current circumstance(s) and jumps right on any space we leave for him. If there is a cycle you feel stuck in right now, a cycle that feels never-ending, a cycle that you feel like you can’t be freed from – I just want to tell you that you are not alone and you do not have to stay there. There is freedom waiting for you and a hand reaching out to grab you out of whatever you feel trapped in. The weight of this world was never something we were meant to carry, and you don’t have to. You can decide today, you can decide right now that you will no longer be gripped by the chains holding you back from who you were called to be and who God created you to be. That you will no longer let the satisfactions of this world rule your life. I am not sure where you are right now, but if there is something that you have carried for too long – stop and pray and ask for the strength to surrender it. God will give it to you. Don’t let it grip you a moment longer.

There are many stories during that period of my life where God nudged me, but living for myself was the route I chose to take. A route that only leads to death and destruction. One night I got back to my apartment while in one of these cycles and was at the lowest point I had ever been - I had never felt so alone and apart from God before and my life felt like it was crumbling before me. I felt like there was no way out and I felt numb to some of the past pain/trauma I endured. That night was one that I will never forget because despite how many times I had denied His pursuit of my heart, no matter how many times I chose everything else over Him – He was right there with open arms. I remember falling on my knees in my bathroom and just crying out to Him with all I felt like I had left in me. I decided that night that He was all I wanted, that I never wanted to know a life apart from Him and that if that meant losing everything else I had been living for, I was willing to finally surrender it all. He pulled me out of the pit I was in and rescued me that night and what is so crazy is – He had never once left me. Not once.

From that moment on the ground in my bathroom forward, it wasn’t easy by any means. Fully letting go of all of the things tying me down and having to step entirely outside of my comfort zone and into a season of complete surrender was difficult. Leaving circumstances and relationships that had a hold on me for so long, was hard. Deciding to die to myself and live for someone and something so much greater didn’t mean every one that was currently in my life at that time would support me and that was scary. But, Jesus is worth it all. He is the only way to true life. The only real source of pure joy and love and this love is something we will never truly be able to wrap our minds around. His victory has already overcome your greatest fear. And every single day we have the choice to take a step into our calling or settle into the routine of comfort. In Philippians 3:8 Paul says “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ.” Can you think for a moment if this truly was our perspective every day? Wow. Just simply knowing Him is a miracle and blessing in itself. The most amazing blessing we could and will ever have in our time here.

I specifically remember praying daily for God to help me find community and that was such a crucial part along the beginning of my journey with Him, and still is. We were made for community; God calls us into community and fellowship. And I just feel so passionately about the people you let influence and speak into your life. The people that are in your close-knit circle. The people that are walking alongside you and journeying through life with you. The saying that most know, “You are the sum of the five people you surround yourself with” is so true and I urge you to challenge yourself to really think about those individuals in your own life. Are the people closest to you pushing you towards Jesus? Are they building you up and encouraging you? Are they calling you higher and challenging you? Are they simply loving you well? God will honor your heart and your obedience in seeking Him and community through Him and wants to gift you with brothers and sisters that come alongside you, I know he did that for me. And I can assure you, there is nothing better. 

On April 26th, 2021, I got re-baptized – choosing to follow Jesus is and will always be the best decision I ever made. He changed my life and transformed my heart. He redeemed areas of my life I thought I could never break free from. He healed and restored me. He gave me purpose. He is all I ever need.

I look back at those years of my life that I wasn’t in close relationship with Him and I don’t feel ashamed of the person I once was, I don’t feel guilt and I don’t feel regret – I feel set free and made new. I am set free and I am made new. He delivered me from that season of my life and called me out of the darkness and He wants to do the very same for you. The stories that I have from that period of my life are something I see as a testament to His great pursuit of my heart and His unmatched love. His never-ending grace. His grace that I desperately need every single day. That I need more now than when I began writing this. That I will never stop needing. I am an imperfect sinner, in need of a savior.

Like I mentioned at the beginning, it’s very hard to pinpoint a part of my testimony to share or something specific that the Lord has taught me because there is so much that He has done and is doing in my life – and there is so much He is doing in each of ours. He is not done with you yet. Wherever He has you right now – there is purpose behind it. There is so much more in front of you, than what is left behind you.

In the current season I am in now, Deuteronomy 31:8 has been a verse I have clung so tightly to.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord Himself goes before you; He will never leave nor forsake you.”

There isn’t a season, a chapter, a place, or a situation that He isn’t already in. That He isn’t already paving the way through. He goes before your every step and where He guides, He provides. Always.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; Before you were born, I set you apart.”

Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all of creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

You are set apart in Christ and you are loved with an immeasurable love. You are loved by the one who is love and He is there with open arms waiting to embrace you and pull you in close.

If any of this sparks interest in your heart or you are struggling to find community/resources or you simply want to grab coffee and chat about what God is currently doing in your life/anything at all, I am an open book and would absolutely love to share/talk more so please don’t hesitate to reach out : ))

With that being said, I hope you are encouraged in some way by this post and I pray that those of you reading this hear these words; You are fully known. You are deeply loved. <3